Living Life on Its Terms, or on Your Terms?
Written by Tim Buckley, March 2024
“You can’t push the river,” is old advice about how to live your life. “Go with the flow,” is a modern equivalent.
Tammy Kunz (third from the left & center) celebrates with her fellow NFC members at the 2023 Fun Fridays.
Tammy Kunz, chairperson for the Kennedy Neighborhood Family Council (NFC) used to say, “I have tried to live life on its terms.” But she and her husband found themselves homeless, living in their van for more than a year. A trauma survivor, Tammy took whatever life dished out and kept struggling. Then she decided to start redefining her life around what she wanted, and not be content to merely accept what was bowling her over.
In a recent presentation to CBEL’s Racial Justice & Reconciliation Committee, Tammy listed some of the things that have helped. “While living in the van I went back to school, eventually earning an Associate of Science (Univ. of Phoenix) and a BA degree (Amer. Intercontinental Univ.). I got professional counseling and, after dealing with the more traumatic stuff, I have also been engaged in peer counseling and peer support. In fact, I’m now trained in peer support, and I’m helping others who struggle with trauma. That support is tailored to each person and their particular situation,” she added.
“I used to believe I was powerless,” Tammy said, “but I’ve taken my power back. I used to live in a van but my husband and me now own our own home.”
Tammy cooks food alongside fellow Kennedy NFC members Ron Berkley for over 500 attendees of a 2023 Fun Friday in Keizer
“A big part of the challenge,” she continued, “is finding hope again. The work we’re doing with the Neighborhood Family Council is all about establishing hope again.”
Tammy and others on the Kennedy NFC have taken the classes offered by CBEL. One class in particular, teaching trauma resilience, was extremely valuable, she said. “It was designed for those who have experienced trauma in various forms, for those who accumulated a lot of ACEs in their lives.”
ACEs stands for adverse childhood experiences and stems from things like violence in the home, divorce, loss of a parent or siblings, poverty, parental incarceration, substance abuse and more. (Click here for an illustration). People can continue to acquire ACEs in life, and those who start life with six or more (there are 10) ACEs are more likely to be sicker, less educated, experience more economic hardship, and live shorter lives than those with fewer ACEs.
“The CBEL trauma resilience class highlights the protective factors necessary in ones life to prevent ACEs,” she said. “The group established strong personal connections, which is one of the factors to strengthen us individually and as a family. The class encourages peer support so, beyond class, we can continue to build our relationships and strengthen our neighborhoods. We gain enough confidence in there to help others who haven’t gotten there yet.”
Tammy Kunz poses with fellow NFC members and local residents at a 2023 Fun Friday
Joining the Kennedy Neighborhood Family Council (NFC) has strengthened Tammy’s confidence and defined her as a leader. She has fostered new relationships and involved them in NFC affairs. She has led by example and her energy has been contagious.
“I will hold this hope for you until you’re ready to hold it yourself.”
“I have been walking beside a local woman living at a transition shelter who asked me to be a peer support person. She lost her children when she became homeless and was dealing with substance use disorder. ‘How can I feel hopeful again?’ she once asked me. I told her that I have hope for her. I said, ‘I will hold this hope for you until you’re ready to hold it yourself.’
“It’s all about authentic and consistent connection with people,” Tammy said. When we met up recently, she told me she had taken a class and had gotten back a bit of hope. I teared up when she added, ‘But I’d like you to continue to hold some of my hope for me, for just a bit longer.’ I took that as a sign of her growing health, and as confirmation that these kind of personal connections are so important for healing trauma.”
The cumulative effect of this grassroots type of effort is at the heart of Building Community Resilience. It directly impacts the “second ACE” (adverse community environments) by creating a sense of hope and possibilities. It helps create purpose and a strong voice to express what is needed – on an individual basis, as a family and as a community. It’s the fuel necessary to get things done. And it all begins with a desire for more hope.